Helen Chik on why the Tinder notification is the worst thing to hear after sex

I request Tinder to remove their signature notification sounds from the app and take over the default default notification sounds. You know, the same sounds used by Instagram, UberEats, Bumble, and pretty much every other application that blows up your phone on a daily basis.

Before you write me off as a girl who lost the plot, listen to me, I have a legitimate reason.

I’m writing this piece retroactively, as I’ve caught myself on numerous occasions now with this seemingly innocuous dent (or a few melodic dents in the case of Tinder after their sonic makeover).

Let me paint you a picture. Single girl jumps on Tinder and starts swiping. They match! Girl and boy begin to chat. An exciting battle of wits emerges as the widely accepted form of foreplay in 21st century mating rituals.

Girl and boy decide to meet for a first date. The sparks fly on this first date, and inevitably they engage in a hot and heavy coitus.

A few more dates follow between the said girl and the boy – feelings begin to brew outside the undercarriage. Especially since every date ends with the two engaging in the horizontal sheet dance and then cuddling as they both bask in the oxytocin glory.

Everything is hunky dory, right? You could even say textbook.

Now imagine the girl who innocently hugs the boy on the couch one afternoon while watching an episode of Game of Thrones. Both are experiencing all the feel-good warm and fuzzy feelings…and probably wondering where it’s going.

Then it happens. Tinder notification. It is clear and it is distinctive. Someone got a new match.

Both girl and boy freeze as the elephant in the room lets out a mighty roar.

If you’ve been poking around the apps for a while, it’s unmistakable when you hear the alert come in.

No, it’s not your grandmother texting to see if you’d like to come over for tea and scones. It’s the sound of another (or many) homo sapiens challenging your position over a territory you’ve already marked for yourself.

We’ve been given the sensory gifts of touch, sound, smell, sight, and taste, but when it comes to dating, hearing a Tinder notification is almost as bad as seeing the same notification on a flipped phone screen. Tinder takes it one step further by distinguishing their alerts for a new match from those for a message from an existing match.

So, what happens now that the warning has dropped? Are we going to do something about this, or is it getting too clumsy? Is it too early to discuss whether we are seeing other people? Do they feel pressured when the question is asked?

Perhaps the two were perfectly content to go with the flow and watch the band develop naturally, but that damn report had to sneak its way in secretly. unpleasant feelings of inadequacy and/or insecurity.

Why are they still getting matches? Am I not enough? Do they find me unattractive?

Honestly, this happened in the early days of the courtship between my current partner and me and what made it even more comical was that we both thought it was the other party who was the culprit of such a horrific dating faux pas.

I knew for sure that it was his phone that exploded. I had already deleted all dating apps from my phone, and had a fleeting thought to interrupt the shenanigans to ask who it was, but decided it could wait until after that.

Relief came in the form of both acknowledging that we no longer needed the app’s presence on our phones.

I am sure that this desired result is not always guaranteed in today’s dating field. Sometimes a harmless ping from a dating app is all it takes to implode a budding connection between two people. Perhaps the solution to save yourself the grief and awkwardness is to disable all notifications in dating apps as a general rule.

Helen Chik is the author of Sex, Swipes & Other Stories| @helenchikx

Read related topics:Dating Advice

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